


The Nice List

by Vox (Meislovely)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Magic and Stuff, Peridot questioning her decision making skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9063175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meislovely/pseuds/Vox
Summary: After an attractive woman breaks into her apartment, Peridot finds herself making a few questionable decisions.





	

Peridot awoke with a sharp jolt, eyes snapping open. A groan escaped her as she rubbed her eyes, squinting over at her alarm clock in confusion. It was 1 am.

Holiday overtime had taken it’s toll on her, but she couldn’t pass up the extra pay if she wanted to keep her little apartment. She was in desperate need of sleep, so why the hell was she awake? Usually, she was dead to the world from the second her head hit the pillow to her alarm clock screeching at her that it was time to go to work.

A soft sound reached her ears and she struggled to figure it out for a moment before her blood turned to ice. Footsteps.

Peridot threw off her blankets, suddenly wide awake, running a frantic hand through her hair and plucking her glasses off the bedside table. What were you supposed to do when someone broke into your house? Hide? Call the police? Those sounded like good options. At least they did until the sound of something shifting caught her attention.

Were they stealing her stuff!? Peridot growled under her breath. She had worked  _ hard _ for her stuff! For someone to just walk into her house and  _ take  _ it…

She picked up the baseball bat next to her bedroom door, suddenly glad that Lapis had talked her into getting one. When her friend had gone on about the dangers of living alone, Peridot had simply rolled her eyes and sighed. It seemed she owed Lapis an apology.

Taking a deep breath, she cracked the door to her room open. The dim lights of her christmas tree blinded her for a moment and she had to squint to see the figure moving through her living room. Unfortunately, they weren’t bright enough to make out any details other than their large stature and bright red outfit. Who the fuck robbed someone dressed in an obnoxious red outfit?

She crept out slowly, doing her best to keep her footsteps quiet. Peridot ducked into the small kitchen, shivering at the cold tile under her feet. Her breath came fast and shaky, even though she tried her best to keep it quiet. She was about to confront a burglar. Oh god, what if they were armed? She really didn’t think this through. Maybe it wasn’t too late to go back and call the poli-

The figure suddenly turned the corner, entering the kitchen and -with a confused grunt- bumping into Peridot. The small woman let out a startled screech, swinging her bat recklessly.

A loud string of curses came from the burglar and Peridot gave herself a mental pat on the back.

Peridot:1   
Burglar: 0

However, the celebration was short lived. The baseball bat was yanked from her grasp and she stumbled backwards. Her hand pawed frantically at the wall until she finally found that damn switch and the kitchen was bathed in light.

Peridot’s breath hitched as a pair of bright, angry yellow eyes met her’s. The burglar was strange, to say the least. She was was sitting down and clutching her leg, dressed in a  _ very  _ form fitting jumpsuit with white fur on the ankle and wrist cuffs. A floppy Santa hat sat atop her enormous mane of platinum blonde hair and her face had pale stripes cutting through the dark skin. Peridot’s mouth went dry.

They stared at each other for a moment, but it was the woman who spoke first, eyebrows furrowed, “What the fuck?”

That snapped Peridot back to the present, her own glare manifesting. “What do you mean, ‘what the fuck’!?”

“I mean,” She growled, narrowing her eyes, “Why the hell did you hit me with a baseball bat?”

“Are you serious!? You broke into my house! You’re stealing my shit!” She nearly screamed, backing further into the kitchen. Even sitting and clutching an injury, the woman made tingles of fear run up and down her spine.

“I was literally doing the opposite of robbing you! I brought presents!”

“Do I look like a complete idiot!?” Peridot hissed, hands balling up into fists. “You just waltz into my house dressed like some kind of sexy Santa Claus knock off and expect me to believe you’re leaving me gifts!?? Has anyone fallen for that!?”

The woman’s eyebrows knit together, “Sexy Santa Claus? I thought it was more of a combination of elf and cat burglar.”

Peridot squinted. “Was that a confession?”

“A con- No! Look, I can prove it!” She reached into a bag on her shoulder (the same insufferable red as her outfit) and held up a small, flat rectangle covered in bright green wrapping paper.

Peridot inched forward to inspect it. It wasn’t something already in her house, the space under her tree had been absolutely barren since she was ten. She didn’t even know why she bought a tree now that she was living on her own. When she reached a hand out, the woman pulled it back, glaring. 

“I’m pretty sure hitting someone with a baseball bat puts you on the naughty list.”

Peridot rolled her eyes, but had to admit that she didn’t feel that terrified anymore. “So what, you’re Santa Claus or something?”

“Or something. I work for him. Kinda. I’m Jasper.”

“Peridot.” She pressed a hand to her face, sighing. Jasper must have been delusional or something, but she felt a small sliver of guilt settle in her stomach. However misguided or insane, she obviously believed she was doing the right thing. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Please.”

Peridot got her ancient coffee maker started quickly. There was definitely something calming about doing something that she’d been doing every day for years. Her hands no longer shook when she pulled the mugs out of the pantry.

“So, why exactly did you come to the kitchen?” She asked, glancing over as Jasper hauled herself to her feet. “The christmas tree is literally flashing. It’s a bit hard to get lost.”

Splotches of pink lit up the dark face and Jasper suddenly seemed absolutely fascinated with the refrigerator. “You didn’t leave any cookies out.”

Peridot did her best to hold back a snort, “Cookies?”

“It’s common courtesy to leave cookies out on christmas!” She snapped, looking anywhere but at Peridot. “Why are you even awake? Everyone’s usually asleep by now.”

“I was asleep until your little pitter patters woke me up.” She said, pouring the coffee.

“Pitter patter?” She let out an offended huff, “I am a full grown woman! I do  _ not _ pitter patter!”

Peridot snorted, rifling through one of her cupboards to find a small tin. She handed it to Jasper, along with her mug. “Well, it’s not much, but it should hold you over until you get to the next place you break into.”

Large hands opened it cautiously, before quickly tossing the lid on the counter and pulling out some of the chocolate chip cookies. Peridot didn’t know if she should be impressed or horrified, she could honestly say that she had never seen anybody shove that many cookies into their mouth at once.

She sipped slowly at her coffee and tried not to watch as Jasper inhaled the cookies that had been in her cupboard for over a month. 

When Jasper finally slowed down, she gave Peridot a hesitant smile. “Heh, thanks. But I think I may have to call in and have someone else deliver. You really did a number on my leg.”

Peridot winced, scratching a non-existent itch on the back of her neck. “I… apologize for that. I really did think you were robbing me.”

“It’s fine.” She said, shrugging. “It’s gonna be a pain with how tight money is, but I can have someone else do it.”

A frown pulled at Peridot’s lips. She definitely knew what it was like to barely scrape by, and she didn’t wish that on anyone. Not even the woman that broke into her house and was now consuming massive amounts of sugar in her kitchen. And, maybe if she was lucky, she’d be back on the nice list.

“I have an idea.” Peridot began, setting her coffee down. At Jasper’s curious look, she took a deep breath. “I could maybe… help you? With your weird christmas thing?”

Jasper’s weirdly perfect eyebrows shot up, almost meeting her hairline. “You do know what you’re saying, right? Breaking and entering? Magical stuff?” She gestured to her leg, “Occupational hazards?”

“While I may still be skeptical about the… “magical stuff”, I really would like to help.”

“Great!” She exclaimed, a wide smile showing off her nearly blinding teeth. “I’ll lend you my spare uniform!”

Peridot opened her mouth to ask how any of her clothing could ever fit her, but Jasper was already rummaging through her obnoxiously red bag. After a few moments, she pulled out a green bundle of cloth and handed it over. “Here, go change into this. I don’t usually use this one, red is more fitting on me.”

Peridot took it with a resigned sigh.

A brief moment of clarity struck her as she shuffled towards her room. What in the world had she just agreed to, let alone  _ suggested _ ? A stranger breaks into her house talking about christmas magic, and she agrees to help them for what? Sympathy? Guilt? A little present? Her cheeks flushed with heat. Well, she was  _ very _ attractive. Was that why? Or was it the lack of sleep?

Definitely the lack of sleep. But, Peridot had dug her grave. Time to lie in it.

She got into her room and stripped down before she could further question her decision making skills. The green bundle turned out to be a robe. A very soft, very warm robe, but still a robe.

“Jasper!” She called, a tight frown on her face.

“I know, I know!” Jasper’s voice came through the door, “Just put it on and I’ll show you how it works.”

Peridot knew full well how a robe worked, but put it on anyways. It absolutely swallowed her. She had to roll the sleeves up several times just to see her fingertips and she nearly tripped over the ends on her way to the door.

“I don’t think this is suitable for breaking and entering.” She grumbled, trying to pull it closed more. Even after tying it, it still wanted to hang open.

Jasper’s only reply was a grunt, one finger beckoning. Peridot narrowed her eyes, but inched closer. One large hand grasped her shoulder while the other brushed the back of her neck while Jasper fiddled with the tag. Peridot glued her eyes to the floor, facing progressively getting warmer and warmer. She wanted to know what was going on, but it was hard to figure anything out with Jasper’s chest literally inches from her face.

“There it is.” Jasper announced.

Before Peridot could ask, the robe grew hot around her. Goosebumps rose all over her skin and she gave out a startled yelp. It felt like being submerged in a hot bath filled with pop rocks. Then, suddenly, the robe felt much tighter.

“What in the world…” Peridot murmured, looking down at herself. She was no longer wearing a robe. Instead, she now wore a neon green button up, rolled up at the sleeves and tucked into black slacks. A pair of suspenders held them in place, and a bowtie at her neck put the cherry on top of her mindfuck sundae

Jasper let out a small gasp, bringing a hand to her mouth. Peridot didn’t know if she was blushing or if it was just wishful thinking.

“Damn, Peri! You clean up really nice!”

Peridot opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, patting the fabric all over and rubbing it between her fingers. “This can’t be real.” Just in case, she gave herself a sharp pinch. “Ouch!”

“It’s real.” Jasper chuckled, leaning against the wall and fixing Peridot with a smirk.

“But… How?”

“Magic.”

In an effort to save the part of her brain that was screaming hysterically in disbelief, she simply nodded and stared down at herself.

“Why the formal wear?”

“It’s designed to make whatever you’d look best in.” Golden eyes flickered up and down before Jasper’s smirk grew. “Can’t say it’s wrong.”

Peridot’s brain had officially turned to mush. A steady mantra of  _ no fucking way _ played over and over in her head as she stared at the (admittedly classy) clothes.

Jasper’s hand returned to her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Trust me, I get it. The first time I saw it, I thought my sister spiked my coffee with LSD. Just try not to think about it too hard.” She waited for Peridot’s slow nod before continuing. “Let’s get moving. We’re already behind schedule.”

She made a vaguely affirmative noise, slipping her hands under her glasses to rub her eyes. Jasper led her quickly out the front door of the apartment, waiting for Peridot to lock her door before limping her way down the hall. Her yellow eyes  scanned the doors for a moment before she pulled out her phone.

“We usually get information on where to go, how many people are there, and if there are any pets.” Jasper muttered, tapping the screen a couple of times.

“Where are you getting all this information?” Peridot asked, then pinched the bridge of her nose, “Actually, nevermind. I don’t want to know.”

Jasper let out a loud laugh, shoving the phone back in her pocket. “You learn quick!”

When they got to the end of the hall, Jasper’s phone let out a small beep. Jasper held her phone up to the lock for a moment before Peridot heard a soft ‘click’. Her eye twitched and she grit her teeth at the blatant disregard for physics, but kept her mouth shut.

Suddenly, Jasper’s bag was thrust into her hands and the woman waved her forward. “There’s only one person. You’ll figure out the bag when you’re in there.”

Peridot tried to stammer something out, but was pushed through the door and into the dim living room before she could protest. She let out the quietest groan she could and looked around nervously. Luckily, the layout was similar to her apartment and she had no problem spotting the tree (it was glowing after all.)

Her heart pounded an erratic beat in her chest as she kneeled next to the Christmas tree. She tossed a paranoid look towards the bedroom, her skin crawling with nerves as she tipped the bag upside down.

It was... empty? Peridot’s mouth drew into a tight line. Great, more ‘magic’. Taking a deep breath, she shoved her hand into the bag. 

She barely held back a shriek at the nearly unbearable chill inside. Her hand tingled and twitched uncomfortably. Peridot grimaced and felt around until her hand found a small box. She gripped and pulled it out quickly, almost throwing it under the tree and shaking her hand furiously.

Task done, she turned to make a hasty retreat but a thought had her pausing with her hand on the doorknob. Her hand darted out to swipe the cookies from the plate before getting the hell out of there before she ended up taking a baseball bat to the leg too.

“How’d it go?” Jasper asked, leaning against the wall and giving her a lopsided smile.

Peridot shuddered, thinking about the awful magic bag. “It was fine, I guess. Here.” She held out the cookies, watching Jasper’s eyes widen.

“Oh no, those are yours. You did the work, you get the cookies.”

“No thank you.” Peridot grimaced, placing them in Jasper’s hand. “I’m not fond of sweets.”

Jasper’s lopsided smile widened into a large grin, already shoving one of the cookies into her mouth.

A small smile pulled at Peridot’s lips. “Where to, next?”

* * *

After the first apartment, things went a lot smoother. Peridot was getting through faster and faster and even the awful feeling of reaching into the bag was starting to feel normal as she sunk into the repetitive nature of the task.

When they came to the last apartment in the building, Jasper’s phone let out a flurry of obnoxious beeps. It was no secret why. Heavy bass thrummed through the door, rattling it on it’s hinges and loud voices hooting and hollering could be heard over the thundering music.

“How exactly are we supposed to deliver gifts when nobody is asleep?” Peridot asked, squinting at the door. 

Jasper shot her a grin, shoving the phone in her pocket. “These one’s are actually easier than the rest.”

“Wha-” Peridot started, but shut her mouth when Jasper threw open the door, standing on the threshold with her hands on her hips.

Everyone inside froze, all sounds ceasing besides the music. Some looked to be in the middle of games and others were clustered around the stereo, but all had wide eyes pinned to the giant woman with curiosity. Finally, after giving her entrance a moment to settle, she picked up a very startled Peridot and lifted her over her head.

“WE BROUGHT PRESENTS!”

The response was instant and enthusiastic, cheers going up all around the room. Peridot was caught between a curious mixture of annoyance at being picked up and turned on at how easily Jasper had picked her up.  Jasper gave her a small smirk before tossing her gently into the sea of outstretched hands. “See you in the kitchen!”

Peridot had never crowd surfed before, but she had the feeling that this was not how it was intended to be. It was exciting to be suspended by so many hands, but with no definite direction of where they were supposed to take her, she drifted around the room a couple of times before someone had the good sense to set her down. Then, they were on her like starving dogs, shouting and raving about presents and christmas while they pushed each other in an effort to get closer.

“Get in a line!” Peridot snapped after smacking the fifth hand away from her bag. Startled into obedience, the glossy eyed people managed to form a loose line in front of her, even trying to quiet down a bit. With an exasperated sigh, she began to pass out gifts.

“Nice to see you again.” Jasper said when she found her way to the small kitchen, her hair ruffled and smelling of excited drunks.

Peridot narrowed her eyes, lips pursing. “Nice of you to throw me to the wolves.”

Jasper let out a deep chuckle that made Peridot’s cheeks feel uncomfortably hot. The large woman threw back a shot, a drink of something dark and fizzy following after. “Doesn’t it feel better when the people you’re giving gifts to are awake to thank you?”

Peridot took a seat on the stool next to her, eyebrows knitting together for a moment. “Yes actually.”

A large grin split Jasper’s face, though it turned to a pout when the next shot she poured was snatched out of her hands. Peridot threw it back quickly, her face screwing up at the burning taste.

“I didn’t take you for much of a drinker.”

“I’m running on two hours of sleep, went on a magical christmas adventure, and committed several counts of breaking and entering. I think I deserve it.”

The loud laughter that followed had her beaming. She rested her arms on the counter, letting out a deep sigh. It may have been hard work, but there was a certain satisfaction in giving people things. The company wasn’t bad either. Jasper had seemed loud and abrasive at first, but they worked together a lot better than Peridot had anticipated. It helped that she was mind numbingly attractive.

Her eyes focused on the other woman as another shot was pushed towards her. Jasper raised hers and they clinked them together. After downing it, Jasper hummed happily, leaning against the counter next to Peridot.

“Thanks for the help. You did pretty well for your first time.”

Peridot shrugged, “It was my fault that you were injured in the first place. It’s the least I could do. Is your leg alright?”

“I’ll have to ice it tomorrow, but it doesn’t feel too bad right now.”

“Um… sorry about that, by the way.” She murmured, looking down at the nicely polished shoes the odd robe had provided.

A large hand patted her back gently. “Don’t worry about it. I probably would’ve done the same if someone in a jumpsuit broke into my house.”

Peridot let out a giggle. The shots she had were already working their way through her system, spreading a bloom of warmth over her cheeks and through her limbs. The party didn’t seem quite so loud and the stool felt a bit more comfortable.

A question surfaced in her slightly foggy mind, “How did you get this job anyways?”

“Craigslist.”

Peridot nearly spit out her drink. “You’re joking me!”

“Nope. It’s year round. We don’t only do christmas. It’s little things here and there. Lighting fireworks in January, giving out chocolate in february, painting things green in march, etcetera. Halloween is the most fun.”

“Wow.” She muttered, eyes wide.

“It pays pretty well too. I’m only in trouble with money ‘cause I got a few debts to pay off.” Jasper said, her eyebrows rising slowly.

Peridot was silent for a moment, wrapping her head around the concept. Imagining anything other than her stuffy office and rude co-workers was hard with how fuzzy her mind was “Benefits?”

“The whole shebang. Health, vision, dental, 401k, and more.” Jasper leaned in, a sparkle in her eyes.

“Vacation?”

“At least twice a year.”

“Location?”

“Whatever city you’re living in.”

Peridot hummed, biting her lip. “And you all get those… ‘magical’ devices?”

“I only brought a fourth of what we’ve got.”

“I see…” Peridot murmured, eyes wide. “Do they, uh… have any positions open?”

A wide smile split Jasper’s face. “I’ll ask.”

* * *

The next time Peridot woke up, it was with a pounding headache and a dry mouth.

She hauled herself out of bed, shuffling her way to the kitchen. It was only when she had downed a glass of water and some painkillers that she noticed she was still wearing her clothes from last night. Rumpled and messy, but still intact.

The realization that the night hadn’t been her overworked brain trying to make up for her pitiful social life filled her with wonder and sadness in equal measure. She had basically become an elf for a night, breaking into homes and leaving presents. But, her chances of seeing Jasper again were relatively low. She let out a disappointed sigh. She should’ve asked for her number when she had the chance.

Peridot started making her way back to her room, ready to hibernate until her next shift, but the gleaming from the living room caught her eye. Had she not remembered to unplug the tree?

She wandered over, only for a small smile to pull at her lips when she found a small rectangular gift under the tree. It seemed she had made it back on the nice list after all.

She sat down next to the tree, taking the small gift in her hands delicately. The wrapping came away easily, revealing a brand new copy of Wasteland 6. She let out a deafening squeal, hugging the case to her chest. The prequel had cost her many hours of lost sleep and a diet made almost entirely of Mountain Dew and Doritos for a few months, and this one had even better ratings. She was going to have to make a snack run.

When Peridot opened the case, her eyes narrowed slightly. Tucked in with the manual was a plain envelope. Her hands shook slightly as she opened it, pulling out a piece of paper. Peridot’s lungs forgot how to work for a few moments as she scanned it. It was a job application. Stapled to the top, was a 600 dollar check for “services provided” and a little orange sticky note listed off a series of number with the words “Call me!” scrawled under them.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays y'all.


End file.
